i think my tv is drunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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