I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
