The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
