Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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