I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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