where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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