We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
