i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
