When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
