If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
