Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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