He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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