no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
