i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
