We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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