if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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