I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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