you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
