I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
