I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
