the day after is always just damage control
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
