i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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