Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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