I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
