would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
