if i can run in heels then i can drive
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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