Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
