why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
