Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
