Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
