I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
