He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
