my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
