Swine flu. Run for my life!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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