rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize