Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
