I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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