Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
