he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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