I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
