whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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