fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my poor anus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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