So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
