I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
