You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
