The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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