Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
