i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
