My nipple is on Facebook.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
