you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
