My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
