Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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