I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just googled if crying burns calories
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
