please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
