Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
