Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
