Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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