He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize