Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
