we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
