just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
