how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
