I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
