Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
