Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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