remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
