Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
