u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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