Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
