my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
