she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
