i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
