if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
