i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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