Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
