she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
