I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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