what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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