She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And then he peed in my hair
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