he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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