just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
