After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize