I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
