He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
