I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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