I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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