Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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