Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
