yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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