I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
