I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
