Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
