If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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