Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
worst night to have a conscience
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
