the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
