Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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