My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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