People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
