Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
