Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I donβt understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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