idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
