4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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