Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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