She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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