I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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