I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize