How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
