im six kinds of drunk right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
