I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
