I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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