i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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