Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
