and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize