So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
