Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
